Stop Chasing the Orgasm (And Start Here Instead)

Speaker A: 00:00:03

Welcome, beloveds, to the Connected Pleasure Podcast. I am your host, Kayla Moore, certified sex therapist turned pleasure priestess and feminine liberation coach.

This is a sacred space where we burn down the old narratives and rise into a new way of being, one led by intuition, pleasure and embodied truth.

Together, we explore sexual healing, feminine liberation, and the reclamation of your sovereign power in a world that benefits from your disconnection.

In every episode, we peel back the layers of indoctrination, remember what is ours, and weave pleasure back into the collective consciousness one brave conversation at a time. You belong here.

Speaker B: 00:00:56

Your pleasure belongs here.

Speaker A: 00:00:58

Let's rise. This podcast is for education and inspiration only.

Speaker B: 00:01:22

If you're wanting to explore pleasure more fully for yourself, I invite you to go deeper with me through the offerings linked in the show notes or through the offerings of my guests.

If you're unsure whether one of these containers or a therapeutic approach would best support you, you're welcome to schedule a free 45 minute consultation with me. Together we can explore what path is in your best interest. And if I am not the right fit, I'll be glad to connect you with the resources you need.

Welcome, beloveds, back to the Connected Pleasure Podcast. Today I am here for another solo episode. I do think that moving forward, I am probably going to be doing more solo episodes than guest interviews.

I am transitioning into potentially doing a new podcast with a colleague of mine or friend of mine that I am very excited to start and will be focusing more on the global side of things, of looking at how we really shape the future and decide that, you know, humanity wants to move in a different direction than where we are right now.

We are in a really, really crucial moment and I want to be able to have conversations about what is the blueprint, what is the way that we want to create a new world as we are stepping through these monumentous thresholds that the cosmos and astrology are giving us to really recreate humanity and the way that we care for our species. So that is where I am hoping to funnel all of that creativity and excitement for what could be in the future.

So I think this podcast is going to be more around what I actually do in terms of helping women and helping all people connect back to their pleasure, reclaim their pleasure, remember their power, come home to their bodies, and to weave in my experiences and my training so far in becoming a priestess. I'm not coming at this from a place of I am teaching about being a priestess.

I am coming from a place of we work with different feminine, sacred, feminine archetypes. In my priestess training And a lot of them pair very nicely, surprise, surprise, to what I already do in my work with pleasure.

And so I've been really loving having these archetypes to weave into what I'm already working on in pleasure and the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. So with that, today I want to talk to you about compassion and pleasure.

And compassion comes from the Goddess of Compassion, and that is the feminine, sacred feminine archetype that I am working with in my training this month. So when we think about compassion, it's really important to understand what is the difference between that and love.

In my training last month, we were working with the archetype of the Great Mother, and she is the great archetype of love in the being form. She is the being that holds the center of unconditional love. There's nothing that you can do to make her love you more.

There's nothing you can do to make her love you less. She just loves you. She just loves you unconditionally. And she holds that very steadily.

She's like a strong tree that is there to ground you and to be there whenever you need her.

She's there to wrap her arms firmly around you and hold her to you or hold you to her and be this just well of unconditional love for you to feel abundantly loved at all times.

The Goddess of Compassion takes that love from the Great Mother and then puts it into action, puts it into action through empathy and through forgiveness.

And so I think this is a really important piece to understand when it comes to pleasure, because a lot of us have a very hard time at giving compassion and love to ourselves. With all of the archetypes, there's different lenses of how we look at them. We can look at compassion as how do we have compassion for others?

And then we can also look at compassion as how do we have compassion for ourselves?

And in what I'm wanting to talk about around pleasure, I think really centering it around how we have compassion for ourselves is the most important part for me, because a lot of the clients that I work with have the capacity to empathize endlessly with others, and oftentimes are with partners that they are empathizing and catering to. But being able to have compassion and love for themselves is really one of the hardest things that they can do.

And so I think it's really important that we look at what are the things that I need to show myself compassion for.

For a lot of clients, sometimes it's just knowing their history and knowing where they've been a Lot of clients feel a lot of shame and guilt around the fact that they aren't able to experience pleasure and sexual satisfaction in the way that they want to.

A lot of times, especially women, feel very blamed or like it's their fault, even if no one else has actually come out and said that, that if a partnership is not working and sex is an issue, oftentimes women feel like it is their fault because oftentimes they are the ones that have the lower sexual desire. That is not across the board.

There are definitely pairings where the female partner has a higher sexual desire and the male partner has a lower sexual desire. And we still get some of the same dynamics happening there.

But by and large, I think most of the women that I work with are the ones that are dealing with low sexual desire.

And so regardless of where you are on that spectrum and what the differing dynamic is between you and your partner, there's typically something that you can bring compassion to. And I think for a lot of people too, there is this grief around what have I lost?

Or what are the things that I could have had if I would have been able to fix this problem sooner.

I have had a client, I've had multiple clients that have gone most of their lives into their 40s, 50s, 60s, without really experiencing pleasure the way that they want to. And there's a lot of grief and loss around how much time has passed where that's what their experience has been.

And I think one of the first things that I really try to bring to that conversation is how to have compassion for where you are now. The fact that you're here, the fact that you're listening to this, the fact that you are wanting to work on this, it is all in divine timing.

And I really do believe that we are put in the situations we are when we're ready for them, that if you're not ready for it, it's not going to stick. It's not going to be something that you're going to fully embrace and have a full yes to if you're not ready.

And so bringing some radical love and compassion to yourself for where you are now I think is very, very important. And then I think having compassion for whatever situations arise, I think are really important too.

When we are starting to learn new things, just as anything as we're learning a new skill, it's really important to bring compassion to yourself. When things don't go exactly how you planned them. Maybe you tried something new and it wasn't exactly how you wanted it to be. And that's okay.

It's okay to say that wasn't exactly how I thought it was gonna be.

And maybe I don't actually like that, or maybe I really liked something in my last sexual experience, but this time it's not actually what I want, and I want something else.

I think having compassion for wherever we are in any given circumstance and knowing that things are gonna shift and change depending on what day it is, depending on what your hormones are doing, it's really okay to say, I love myself in this moment for where I am now. And with that, making sure that, you know, orgasm is not always the end goal.

I am fully in support of orgasming and very much help my clients to be able to do that.

And I think it's also really important to know that orgasm is not the end all be all, that we can have many pleasurable moments throughout a sexual experience without orgasm, without orgasm being the end all be all goal at the end.

When we are too focused on orgasm and feel like that is the only way that we feel like a sexual experience is successful, then it tends to create a lot of pressure and anxiety around our sexual experience because we're just pursuing it, pursuing it, pursuing it, and not just enjoying where we're at in the moment. And I do think that that takes compassion.

I think it takes compassion for where I'm at in the moment, or you are at in the moment, where my partner is at in the moment. Because they're also depending on where you are in life, depending on bodies and medical history and all those things.

Sometimes partners with penises aren't always going to be able to keep an erection for the full length of time. Or, you know, partners are going to also have their moments where things may not be exactly the way that you want them to be.

Or you may have a moment where there's external circumstances that happen. A child runs into the room or, you know, screams, hey, I need something, or wakes up and you weren't expecting them to wake up yet.

Or, you know, somebody has to rush off to work and we don't have enough time to do the thing that we want to do. So sometimes external circumstances can come into play too, or we just have to have compassion for ourselves.

Of like, well, maybe that didn't go exactly the way that we wanted it to go, and that's okay.

And we can enjoy the experience that we had and move on to the next experience knowing that that will be different and we can hopefully make it into what we want it to be next time, too.

So I think really, being able to find radical compassion for yourself, for wherever you're at, for whatever your body is doing, for whatever the circumstance brings, is so important.

And it's important also when it comes to boundaries and being able to communicate the things that you want to need without completely shutting yourself off.

We always want permeable boundaries where we have explicit boundaries to keep ourselves safe, but they're not so high and so tall and so rigid that they're keeping people out.

And sometimes we have so much fear and so much anxiety and so much tension in our bodies when it comes to pleasure and sex that we're actually really keeping people out and keeping ourselves from being able to express, experience pleasure in the way that we want.

And so being able to have compassion, to have softness for ourselves, and to meet ourselves where we're at, allows those boundaries to soften just a little bit and then also become more direct in what you actually need.

Instead of walling everything off, let's talk about exactly what those boundaries need to be for you to feel safe, for you to feel safe in your body, and for you to feel safe with your partner, if you have a partner. I think that's really the main things that I want to say around compassion. Compassion is love in action.

It is there to help us lessen or erase suffering in humans. Again, we can give that compassion to someone else, but we can also give it to ourselves.

And so being able to offer compassion and forgiveness and love, it really does help to end the suffering, to end the cycles that we tend to be in. When it comes to reclaiming our pleasure. We don't reclaim our pleasure until we let go of the things that do not serve anymore.

And oftentimes it's judgment.

It's judgment around who we are, what we're not able to do, what we are able to do, that we're not enough, we're not doing enough, we're not deserving of love and pleasure. And so when we look at it at this really deep level of how do I greet myself with love, how do I greet myself with forgiveness?

If there's something that I need to forgive, how do I greet myself with an action of compassion to love myself where I am in this moment, in this point in time, where, you know, maybe I have made it a little bit towards my goal, but I'm not fully there yet. And so how do we love the process? How do we continue to have compassion for where we are in this point in time?

So with that, if you are wanting to stay connected with me, please do subscribe to my newsletter. I am sending it out again twice a month on the new and full moon. We have a lot of energy happening right now.

We just passed on Tuesday the solar eclipse and Aquarius. It was also the lunar New Year. It was also Mardi Gras and a lot of other spiritual traditions that started on that day.

So we just entered a mass portal that we are in right now and today actually is a very important conjunction of two planets and we are really at like a zero point of new beginnings and in a couple weeks we will have our lunar eclipse.

And so this is a great time to get connected to my newsletter to learn more about that if you are interested in astrology at all, and to gain more wisdom around feminine liberation. I really try to work in my newsletters.

A little bit of everything, a little bit of the astrology of what's going on on that day, and then also some stories around what I'm experiencing and how that connects to the teachings that I really want you to take away from that. So if you want to stay connected, go and subscribe to that newsletter.

If you do subscribe, then you get my free Sacred Body Workbook and that is a guide to healing body image or body shame and really reclaiming that relationship to your body. And that is really the foundational work to all the things that I do.

So that is a free workbook that is loaded with tools and things that you can use on a daily basis to really work on your relationship to your own body. So until next time, I hope you all continue to do well as well as we can in this crazy world that we live in right now.

And I will talk to you next week.

Speaker A: 00:18:45

Thank you for joining me for this episode of the Connected Pleasure Podcast. If you'd like to stay connected beyond the podcast, I invite you into my newsletter community.

When you sign up, you'll receive my free Sacred Body Workbook, a guide to healing body image and embracing pleasure. Twice a month on the new and full moon, I share stories that flow into my teachings about pleasure practices to support you on your journey.

Energetic journal prompts and invitations to my upcoming events and offers. You'll find the link in the show notes. If you feel moved to support this podcast, you can also leave me a tip through my website.

Your offerings help me keep creating and sharing this work and if this conversation touched you, please share it with a friend. Follow and leave a rating or review so that more people can find their

Speaker B: 00:19:38

way to this space.

Speaker A: 00:19:39

Until next time, may you walk with softness, with love, and with pleasure.