Coming Home to Your Body: Healing Shame & Reclaiming Pleasure

Speaker A: 00:00:00

Welcome back, my lovelies, to the Connected Pleasure Podcast. I'm Kayla, your host. I go by she, her hers, pronouns.

And this is another mini episode for you all about why this one on one program may be the right fit for you.

So what I wanted to talk to you about today is something that I have already kind of woven through the other episodes, but it is very much about our connection to our bodies. So many women that I've worked with have had really hard relationships with their bodies.

Again, most of us, you know, men, all genders included, I think, because of our society, have a really hard time with our bodies. We've been taught to not trust our bodies.

We've been taught to dissociate from our bodies, whether that's like, through an actual traumatic experience and we experience, like, clinical dissociation or just, again, like, not being connected enough to our bodies, where we recognize what is necessary for our bodies to live and thrive.

If you listen to the episode that I did or that came out on Friday, last week with Kristen Allitted, we talked a lot about how our culture is not conducive to our bodies being healthy.

A lot of us are, I would say all of us are taught to not pay attention to our bodies when we're hungry, when we're thirsty, when we need to go to the bathroom, when we need to rest, especially when we need to rest, when we need to feel a full emotion.

We are not taught to tend to our bodies in the way that they need and oftentimes are not given the space in the room to because we are so focused on producing to make money that we have to work and be basically robots in order to survive in our society. And that is something that I'm wanting to change with this podcast, is to show that there's another way to do that.

But coming back to what a lot of the women that I talk to experience are having a lot of anxiety around their bodies, feeling a lot of shame around their bodies. Again, feeling very disconnected from their bodies.

A lot of women even go so far as being, like, disgusted with their bodies, especially their pleasure areas or their vulva. I've had a handful of clients that didn't even want to touch that area of their body because they felt so much disgust around it.

And usually, you know, there's some trauma history there.

I've had a client that couldn't touch some of those areas because of trauma and feeling triggered when there were areas of their body that were touched. So there's so much around the body and feeling like this is such a big barrier to being able to access pleasure and feel pleasure.

A lot of the clients that I have that do have partners also have, you know, many of the insecurities that are taught to us in this culture that, you know, they're not the weight that they want to be, they don't look the way that they want to look. You know, their partner is going to think X, Y, Z about seeing them naked. There's just a lot of anxiety around what I would say.

Again, I'm working in heterosexual relationships on this, but what I would say is the male gaze of, you know, what, what is my outward appearance going to say about me and how valuable I am to this person and whether I'm deserving of pleasure or not and if I'm worthy of their attention.

So there's a lot around the body that can be a barrier to, again, feeling safe, feeling safe in this experience, feeling safe in yourself, feeling like I am whole, I am worthy, I am divine, I am someone that is deserving of pleasure and all the experiences of pleasure.

And I can go after what I want in terms of asking for the things that I need and want in that situation to make it comfortable for me, but then also allowing myself to just sit back and receive and feel like this is something that I can access in myself. It's important to also be able to communicate to a partner about what you want to need.

But I think the most important thing is being able to feel rooted and grounded in yourself and feeling like this is something that is for me, this is something that I can access for myself.

And so I think this is one of the biggest things that I want to tackle in one on one coaching is talking about your relationship to your body and how do we come back to a feeling of sacredness? How do we come back to a feeling of power?

How do we release some stuck emotions of trauma and you know, just patriarchal bullshit that we are all spoon fed from the time we were very young. If you are in the same age range as I am, you know, we grew up through a heavy, heavy diet culture.

probably even into the early: 2000

So I mean there's that, there's the beauty industry that prize on every single little thing that they can. They make up problems on our bodies so that they can sell us products to fix them.

And we're just constantly in this cycle of needing to fix things on our bodies that aren't broken. And also aging our culture is so anti aging, it's ridiculous. And yet like our bodies age, we age every day. I don't know why we've gotten to.

I guess I won't say I don't know why because there's plenty of reasons why. But we have gotten to a place in our society where, you know, somewhere around like 30ish maybe.

I think any woman thinks that she's too old in some regard. I personally do not.

But you know, there's an age where it's like you're young and fun and then you hit a certain age and all of a sudden you're just being thrown to the curb.

So there's tons of reasons for why women specifically, I think everyone in our culture struggles with bodies, but women in particular struggle with their body. There are so many reasons.

And so I really want to ground it in the fact that like, it is not specifically your fault, you are not doing anything wrong, but the fact that it is there and it's causing problems. For you to feel grounded, rooted, safe in your own body and able to access pleasure is a problem.

So my one on one container, again, it's a very soft approach. It is somewhere that you can feel safe landing, that you can feel like you are being held in an eight week container.

And we get to explore a lot of the different facets of what is keeping you from your pleasure.

What is keeping you from being able to fully express your full, true, beautiful, authentic, powerful self and claim that pleasure for yourself in your sexual experiences.

Be able to talk about what you want and need in that moment to guide your partner or to feel safe enough in yourself to do the things that you need to do and then again to lay back and receive. And receive doesn't mean like you are the princess that gets to just lay there and receive from a partner.

If that's what you want to be, that's totally fine. Absolutely. But it's being able to fully like embody the receiving that you get.

There's times to give and that is pleasure in itself too in a sexual experience. And then there's times to receive.

And there are a lot of people that also have a hard time receiving that they feel comfortable giving to their partner. Because again, that's what's been taught to them to be acceptable and okay. But to sit back and actually receive pleasure is incredibly hard.

And it takes being able to feel safe in your body and feel like those types of experiences are safe and okay to do to be able to experience them. So if this is something that is resonating with you and is making you, you know, perk up and be like, hmm, I need to know more about this.

Please go subscribe to my newsletter.

My newsletter is a great way for you to keep in contact with me and with your subscription to that, you get your free Sacred Body workbook that I developed. This is a guide that breaks apart our understanding of body image and helps you reclaim your relationship to your body.

It gives you a little bit of information again of basically what I went over in this podcast of why it is so hard for us to have a good relationship to our body and then gives you a lot of sacred practices to try out and and see how it feels for you to start creating a more positive and healthy and sacred relationship to your body. So that is free for you if you go and subscribe to my newsletter.

Like I've been saying, I will be sending out more emails throughout the open cart week to help answer questions and make sure that you make the right decision for you around this container. But normally I only send those emails out twice a month on the new and full moon. So it's my newsletter.

It's a way for you to know what's going on and know what new episodes are out on the podcast and just kind of hear my musings that I'm thinking about that week. And also I send them out on the new and full moon.

And so I give some journal prompts around the energy of that new and full moon, of what we need to release or what seeds we want to be planting. So I try to make it so that I'm helping you and giving you something that you can take along your journey as well.

But I won't be spamming your inbox, I promise. And you can unsubscribe at any time. So it's a no pressure type of commitment.

Hopefully if this is something that you're like, I think this container is for me, or it's a hell yes, please go and schedule your free 45 minute consultation. They are only available during the open cart week. I believe it's the 7th, 8th and the 9th. That's a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

Those are the only days that I work. I have blocked my schedule out as much as I could that week so that I have ample room for people to schedule.

That is going to be a really key time for us to sit down one on one for you to actually get to talk to me. I. It will be on a screen, unfortunately, but we will get to actually meet face to face.

You get to tell me your story, why you feel like this is something that would be helpful for you. And I will talk a little bit about, you know, maybe who I am. If you still have questions of, like, who are you? Why is this even important to you?

I can answer all those questions, what my credentials are, if that's important to you. But more importantly, I can answer how I can help and why this container could be a good fit for you or how it could be a good fit for you.

And it's a great way for me to gauge if you're in the right space for this container.

And it's a great way for you to gauge if I am a good fit for you in terms of being your guide on this journey, of being somebody that can hold the space and help you feel safe throughout this journey.

So if this is like, yes, I think I want this, please go schedule that because that will be a really great jumping off point for us and it will help you really make this decision and know if this is right for you. So I so appreciate you being here and listening to these episodes and I will talk to you tomorrow.